Driven to madness and back again

LIVING out of town has its benefits, but it also has its low points - like the impending village light switch-off by the local authority in a shoddy attempt to save money (Perhaps if they hadn't lost millions in Icelandic banks for starters...). Yet another issue the humble villagers lose out on to those living in towns - add it to the list along with the lack of decent recycling facilities - I could go on.

 But my absolute bugbear has to be the traveling to work.  I hate it.  It's less than 10 miles away but some mornings it will take forever.

 

 Tuesday morning was a perfect example.  The journey started like it does most days, trying to find my place in the rush of traffic, usually situated behind the slowing-moving obstacle, such as an oil tanker, lorry carrying a static caravan or a marching band. It was a steady journey until we were two miles away from town then traffic stopped dead. In these situations I initially remain the optimist, confident that cars will begin to more along soon.

 

 Fifteen minutes later I've only covered 100 metres and I begin to get twitchy. Still convincing myself I can make it to work in time if traffic starts moving again, I sit there tapping the dashboard as my irritation grows. Half eight comes and goes and I start trying to hone my psychic abilities in the hopes I can send messages telepathically to my boss to explain I'm late for reasons beyond my control. By now the little needle on my car radiator dial is rising - moving quicker than the traffic is and looking ahead you can see lorries pulling in to stop their engines overheating. Despite my panic, my rational side is still reasoning that if it's an accident ahead, my being a bit late is a much better situation than lying in a crumpled wreck of a car.

 

 And so, nearly 20 minutes after the time I should've been in work, I finally reach the source of the congestion; road traffic monkeys looking resplendent in reflective jackets and tea-cosy beanies blocking one lane of traffic at the roundabout into town, and pulling cars over in order to conduct a census. No warning was given about this. The reasoning from local authorities? They wanted to monitor the normal amount of traffic in order to gather accurate information about the road usage. Normal? Really? Creating a bottleneck and two-mile delays is normal? Well in that case, based on the information they must have gathered and the scenes of chaos they witnessed , I expect this time next year will see that A-road in a rural setting being transformed into a three-lane motorway complete with flyovers and Welcome Breaks.

 If I wasn't running so late already I would have cheerfully stuffed their clipboards where their little hats won't keep them warm.