The gift of giving

THIS week was my dad's birthday, and it has got me thinking about the dos and don't of gift-buying.

 Every year without fail my father will meticulously write and send out a list of (mainly Bob Dylan- linked) presents he would like for the big day; listing the cheapest price and website we could source it from.  To be honest the only thing he hasn't started doing is attaching a link to the direct site and item in the email (although I bet he will now).

 I'll normally stick to the list, occasionally straying if my predominantly stunted candyfloss brain allows me creative choice. 

 However other family members will ignore it altogether, choosing to buy gifts that they have heard him mention many moons ago, or things they think he will like, or even more risky; items they think he needs.

 It's amazing what a minefield of awkwardness and complications the whole saga can be.

 As far as I can see, the problems are this:

•  Stick to the list: Easy, failsafe, however lacking in imagination and it is amazing just how many phone calls you'll make to other family members to check they aren't buying the same thing from the list. It's also been known to split families as they race to buy up the solitary three CDs - it's every man for himself in the quest to get Amazon to deliver the items to you first.  
  
• Buy things a person needs: These are gifts the birthday present receiver (BPR) will never ever admit to needing. You'll watch them cheerfully struggle to sweep a whole house of carpet with a dustpan and brush as they insist it's no bother -  anything to make sure their next paypacket doesn't instantly disappear on a 1850watt SupaVac. And also it's their one birthday of the year (unless you're related to the queen) - they don't want one of their three birthday wishes to go on domestic appliances.
• Buying the things you think they might like: This produces the most comical results because you are relying on the inner depths of your imagination, balanced out with how you view this person. Many a tear has been shed by the BPR as they rip off the wrapping paper to find.... oh. Most people will emit that response involuntarily. Those who are great at lying, have had botox or were a beauty queen in a previous life will manage to maintain a fixed, teeth-gritting smile and murmur that the selection of ski socks or pink fluffy teenage gifts (at the age of 34) was "just what they wanted". Expect a vast amount of resentment from the BPR as they suddenly realise just how you really view them. Observers to this moment may wish to have a camera at the ready to capture a day which you will all no doubt look back and laugh at... Well, assuming you don't suddenly lose contact with them. 
  

Seriously, I think there's a lot to be said for vouchers. And if you're having a birthday any time soon, go easy on the gift givers; becoming another year older will surely give you far less grey hairs than trying to buy a present.